The Power of Owning Your Unruly Self
“You can’t be a guide for healing if you’re on antidepressants.”
This thought has flashed through my mind, several times.
It’s a voice of shame that comes from within, determined to make me feel small. And whenever it does, it always has an air about it of “elsewhere.” Like, this thought didn’t generate from me. It came from judgements or pre-conceived notions that live elsewhere in this world. Stigmas, from other people that I didn’t choose, that influenced my mind and told me I was "less than." Like, trauma has made us unworthy of respect, consideration, and love? Hell nah.
The funny thing is, once I gave my mental health space to speak, my journey toward healing began. I learned to work with this unruly, unwelcome part of myself, building a relationship and connection where love could grow.
I found a way to work with this thing within me that felt so unwelcome and unruly to establish a relationship and connection where love could actually live and foster.
Oh hey, PTSD/anxiey/OCD…you’re not here to be punished, but you’re here as a result of punishment and hatred and hurt. You’re here because that hurt exists and is begging for a soft hug, a good cry, a pause, and a reconsideration.
So, why is this bad? Why should I be ashamed that this exists?
Historically, I can see why I should be ashamed. After all, the word hysterical has some prehistoric roots that have found its way to somehow still exist today.
Hysterical derives from the Greek hystera, which means womb.
In ancient Greece, physicians like Hippocrates believed women's emotional and physical disorders were caused by disturbances of the uterus. They coined the term hysteria to describe these conditions.
Through evolution of the word, (no thanks to Freud!), Hysterical eventually described any extreme emotional outburst or behavior, perpetuating harmful mental health stereotypes.
Having an unpleasant emotion in women (and other marginalized groups) is considered a sign of not being able to be controlled, not adhering to or being a functioning part of society. And when men experience it too, it's common for them being negatively tied to femininity.
Moving into this upcoming year, the narrative around our “hysterics” will only try to be weaponized against us even more, I fear. However, the more we grow and evolve in this shared conversation and compassion for what exists within us, the more this attempt at weaponization will fail.
The more we own the deep knowing that having strong emotions and experiences is more human than we think, the less we believe that shame has a place within it.
Shame will always diminish through conversation with empathy and humanization. That’s a hill I’m willing to die on, and will continue to advocate for. What empathy do you want to bring to your unruly or unwelcome parts?
This deep love and consideration is why I believe I am capable of being a facilitator of healing. Our lived experiences have gifted us with a profound understanding of what it means to face and work through the shadows within ourselves. We know what it’s like to carry the weight of stigma and to dismantle it piece by piece, reclaiming our power in the process.
If you’re reading this, I suspect our paths have crossed because you feel a deep yearning for the human mind, connection, and self-evolvment that has been questioned as unruly or odd... or…. wrong.
THAT is a gift, y'all!
This is your warrior call to keep that yearning alive and well. This is your sign to keep moving forward! Keep digging, keep talking, keep sharing, and keep curious.